Hey, you guys!
This past week was crazy. It’s been busy, but it’s also been so full. Originally, I planned for it to be our “Break Week” from home-school, but then I said “Nah… we can keep going...” Classic over-worker here.
But breaks are necessary. You hear me? If you don’t plan them in and take them, they will be given to you one way or another. Haha. Cue the crazies. That was us this past week. Let’s do a recap of the week, shall we? It will kind of be like a big ole journal entry for me, but written to you- and it helps me process… so Hey, why not?
Monday:
We were actually hosting some of our family at the beginning of this week, and I just find it hard to “Run the Show” and do our normal routine when others are in the mix. I like to say things like “Make yourself at home”, but I’ve found that most people don’t actually “make themselves at home” right away. I guess it’s a thing that takes time, but it’s nice when you hang out enough and people start to actually do it.
And I totally get it! When people say that to me, I don’t make myself at home either. I’m independent. I’ve been doing work in clients’ homes, and they tell me this… but nah - I’m gonna bring my own food, I’m gonna clean up after myself (or at least try… this is NOT the best business for that if I’m mid-project)… but I *REALLY* do love it when people do make themselves at home and, ahem - tend to their own needs ;-) I’ve got 4 children…. I don’t need any more. Hehe. But if people are over and are independent like me, I usually just stay in host-mode. I tell them what’s available, I find things for them, and will even fix it for them if they want me to.
But maybe I should try and take my own advice when I’m in their situation too… I’ll work on that. But anyway, if you’re ever at my house to hang out, for small group, to stay, etc. PLEASE do, Make yourself at home.
So we took our time in the mornings fixing breakfasts, and I just let the kids spend some time with their aunt and uncle playing games and entertaining. I was able to do some cleaning up and work on some work files I’m in the middle of. I’m a big introvert so I had to escape to a different room and let the kids handle the entertaining. Haha! We just took it slow and laid back. It was quite nice.
Tuesday:
This was the day we were supposed to have an “ice storm”… but not really. We treated it as such though, because I’m a homebody and I love a good excuse to stay in and have nothing on the agenda. But… then again, It kind of stinks though when you have work you actually WANT to be doing. And then your kids (and yourself) get cabin fever, and you’re like “Puh-lease…. let me come to your house and work for a bit.” Haha. But we didn’t need to get out, so we followed the rules and stayed in.
Wednesday:
I mentioned in a previous email that I have been slowly weaning off my medication for anxiety. Well, last Saturday was the last day I actually took it. So I was good all day Sunday and until about mid-day Monday. Then, I started having “Brain Zaps” pretty much all day and night. Monday evening, I barely slept all night. Tuesday, I felt pretty dizzy all day, but it was the perfect day to just rest because… um, ice storm.
But then, on Wednesday - this was the day I’d completely FILLED my planner page, and I even filled out my weekly planner page on Tuesday night in preparation to finish out the week strong… starting on Wednesday…. but NOPE! This was the day, that the anxiety reared it’s ugly head. I woke up great, had my quiet time, and had great intentions and then for lack of better words, all hell broke loose.
So I don’t know that I’ve ever actually had a panic attack, but I would guess that this was pretty close. I.could.not.do.it. This wasn’t like depression, where I just couldn’t find the purpose or the willpower to make myself get up and do it. Instead, I had ALL the willpower, intention, and determination but I just felt so out of control at the same time. Anxiety is WEIRD, yall. I was losing it. I was trying to grasp control and steer the ship here, but I just couldn’t…
And because I don’t do well with feelings and processing them. Instead, I just try to think my way through them because it’s all I know to do. So at first, I was thinking… “It’s my kids. I just need to them do what I’m asking them to do.” I mean, we just had a pretend ice storm, they had cabin fever, we all spent extra time being lazy and doing what we wanted and now mom is here trying to whip them all into shape and make them do chores and school and all the boring stuff… (insert eye roll from them here).
But then I thought (again, with the thinking instead of feeling because I don’t often recognize those at first)… this is more than that. I could FEEL myself losing it, or at least I THINK I could feel that. Haha.
Not funny at all though, because I messaged Justin. I told him I Needed him to come and get the kids. I felt I was losing control, and I did NOT want to lose it on them. They didn’t need to see me this stressed and anxious. I didn’t want to crush their little spirits with my frustrations, but it was bound.to.happen if I didn’t call in the reinforcements. I locked myself in my room and cried sitting in the fetal position, while I tried to catch my breath.
He’s great, by the way. He doesn’t ask questions. He just swoops in to help and save the day. Sometimes, I wish he’d say a little something because I have NO idea what he’s thinking in these moments where Mom has lost her marbles and can’t even find them to get them back. It sucks to feel this way… to feel so out of control that I can’t function or manage my kids and my home. I felt SO apologetic to him for having to leave work for this, but also So, So grateful at the same time.
So, then I messaged my doctor. I have this amazing doctor who I can text whenever I need to. She’s always available for text, phone calls, video chat (although I don’t do those because I hate them), and even when I go to her office she spends literal hours with me, not just a few minutes. It’s the way her practice is set up, and it’s incredible for real. Plus, she has many of the same ideals as us when it comes to natural-based things, overall health and wellness (and I mean ACTUAL health and wellness, not just the gimmicky "trying to make a buck on something” type of thing. Anyway, she’s great. She actually has some natural-based solutions for anxiety, as well, and it was my hope to be able to wean from the prescription and do some of these natural options now instead.
However, she said that this week’s anxiety attack could be a sign that I actually do still need the medicine. A lot of times it starts working for us, we start to feel better, more in control, and we think we can come off the medicine… when really, it’s the medicine that has helped us get to that point.
Personally, medicine is a last resort for me…. always. I’m not sure why.. I just really don’t like messing with the ways that God intended for our bodies to work. Hello, natural childbirth. That was me, and I’m super proud about that so let me just toot my own horn for a sec. I’d do it again, too. But not the pregnancy part… I don’t want to ever do that one again. Ha!
Anyway… We rarely go to the doctor for minor sickness (firstly, because we rarely even get sick in the first place). But most of the time, our bodies are able to fight things off naturally anyway, and I think this helps us to build up immunity instead of having to rely on medicines to do it for us. Personal opinion. I don’t always share those on hot topics, but I went there anyway for some reason… don’t come at me if you have a different opinion. In fact, most people do, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s okay to still love people who have a different opinion than you, and we as a society, still need to learn that.
ANYWAY, anyway (now that I’ve now chased two rabbits with that one)… with all that said, I DO realize that sometimes medicine IS needed. I am thankful that God has given us brains that learn things and research and make discoveries to develop tools that help people. I am thankful for scientists and doctors and nurses and everyone in between that works to do these things to help people that need help. Probably more so, especially now because — while I’ve always been one to do my own research and make my own decisions regarding my own body— I’m now also someone who has needed that help that is available to me. So I’m not knocking medicine AT ALL or other helps that are available. Because it has really been so good for me, and I know that it is for so many others as well.
But the withdrawals were real, and so I’m taking my “as needed” anxiety medicine this week, and I’m seeing how my body responds after a full week of being off of the actual daily medicine, and we’ll go from there and make a decision on what to do next.
By Wednesday afternoon, I had rested, taken my “as needed” medicine, I got out of the house, and it was good! So so good to get out, feel better, and be around grown-up people!
Thursday:
I’d been hoping to get over to my client’s house this week to work on her home office, and I hadn’t been able to. I also really needed to solve a “Filing Cabinet” situation as well. I’d ordered it twice from two different stores for store pick-up only to find out that they didn’t actually have it in stock and couldn’t fulfill it, nor could it be shipped to me. None of that made sense to me if it was showing available and I was able to process an order for it, so I had to go in store and “Let me talk to your manager please”. Don’t worry, I did it very nicely and respectfully because I’m a nice person on the outside and to strangers… pretty much 99% of the time. There’s only like 1% of people that I actually want to be mean to in the world, and I’ve never actually done that either. Haha. I was just in problem-solve mode and trying to get things done.
I got the problem solved, I was able to spend some time shopping for some other things we needed for the office, and I was able to do all of it with two of my kids in tow. Can I just say that I LOVE my new job?! I know I won’t be able to always work like this because do have a home to manage and school to do, but this is the dream job for me, yall. I’ve got my kids. I get to shop (and with someone else’s money. That’s the key. It’s just as much fun picking out things for someone else as it is for myself.)
Oh, and we get to spend all that travel time singing and worshiping in the car. Wins all around… with just a wee bit “let me please talk to your manager mixed in”. Hehe.
Thursday evening, I worked on some files at home again, listened to my songs, and my kids started asking me for things while I was already trying to multi-task. I felt the control starting to slip away again, but Justin was home so he helped. I took my “as needed” medicine again, and I was good to go. I went to worship team practice, and everything was good again.
Friday:
I had to re-solve the filing cabinet situation again, because we decided we didn’t like the one I’d brought in on Thursday. I went to our local overstock store, and they still had the one they’d posted online earlier in the week, so I snagged it. I returned the first one. On Friday, I only had one of my kids with me.
We also went to Target to grab some bins there as well. I picked up our Sam’s pickup order, and we went back to my client’s house to install and organize some things with the new containers because I couldn’t wait. Then we dropped off the groceries and put the rest of the car seats back in… (I’ve decided I need a “work truck/ SUV” now that can fit 4 car seats AND a filing cabinet or dresser, if need be.) We picked up Justin and the other 3 kids and went to pick up my car because we somehow fit in servicing and an oil change within all of that.
I looked up instructions for using the Rotisserie setting on our air fryer, and that was supper. I asked Lawson (he’s 8) to follow the instructions on the Mac n Cheese box and let me know if he had any questions. I just needed to sit down for a second, you know? Justin tried to give him the easy-peasy, super-simple instructions, but I insisted that he review some of those math skills like figuring out how much water was in two quarts that was needed to boil the macaroni. Wink wink. He did it and asked if he could take my magnets with the cheats on it to his house when he grows up and gets one of his own. I promised we’d get him one of his very own to have, so yall remind me in ten or more years when that happens. ;-)
We planned for an at-home date night since I was going to be going out of town on Saturday. I was going to pick something up to bring home, but neither of us could decide anything that sounded good to eat. I said I just wanted home-cooked, healthy-ish food, hence the chicken, salad, and mac n cheese we ended up going with. Then, we cuddled up and watched a few of our shows together while the kids played and watch their shows. That’s about as creative as we’re getting with our at-home date nights these days. We did have an actual date night as I mentioned in my last email… We went to Wine & Wild Life for Valentine’s weekend. We hired a babysitter and all that good stuff too.
That’s just not something we can always afford to do so at-home date nights are a thing… yall, send me your creative at-home date night ideas. Something we can do with kids here because they are, in fact, always here too. Haha.
Saturday:
I had to reschedule my trip out of town for a Home Organization consult because the roads were still icy there, and there were still some places without power. I spent the morning doing a little catch up at home with a few things, hanging out with the family, and then I went to work on my Home Office project for the afternoon. I CAN’T WAIT to share that with you, by the way. I’m having So.Much.Fun with it. But I’m learning how long these projects actually take when you do them all at once or in little chunks of time here and there as time allows… and especially when you can’t easily find the things that you need for the space. (Filing cabinet situation last week, and now the bins that I wanted aren’t available to be ordered either. eek.) I’m working this job around my family, and I LOVE that I’m able to do that. Here’s a sneak peak of the shelves I cleared this week. I’ve already started re-filling them, but I’m waiting for a few favorite bins, so of course I can’t share the AFTER until it’s fully complete. :-)
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Apparently, when you use your email newsletter as a journal entry, it gets to a point where it’s just too long. I like to write “books”, and I have no apologies for that. Hehe. We can always just skim for the highlights or keep scrolling, am I right? ;)
No hard feelings - I do it too.
With that said, you can expect part 2 of this week’s newsletter in your inbox soon. It’s the fun one with with the pictures, projects, and goals. <3